In Houston visiting family, finally got some well deserved sleep… for the first time in 6 weeks I have finally gotten some good sleep. I slept for 12 hours and it was great. I am up at 3am, I have at least gotten something that has eluded me for some time.

This also means that I have come to terms with the break up from my former fiance. I still love that woman. I am now able to move forward and I am at peace with her rejection of me. Most importantly, I am no longer angry or upset with her for doing what she did. I think that has been a lesson long needed to be learned for me. To not hold onto such painful emotions when you have been let go, rejected, and otherwise unwanted… I have seen such beauty, grace, potential, and tender strength in that woman.. things soo deep inside her that I wanted to see come out and stay out on the surface. Things that I fell soo deeply in love with that I easily looked past her selfishness, insecurity, the want to control her environment, and the minor things that most would find as road blocks in maintaining and building a strong and committed relationship.

The last year and a half I had spent loving her also taught me a lot about myself and ultimately changed me as well. I may hold onto some childish behavior and not have “grown up” like some would prefer, that has enabled me to keep open eyes with the world and to be able to see into the heart and souls of those I come in contact with. I have learned that no matter how much you give, you need to demand to get some back otherwise you will be used and tossed aside when you are no longer of use. Lastly, that it is ok to feel the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the love… yes the love for some one who has moved you so deeply that the world becomes a dark place when they are no longer in your life.

I have changed. I am forever different now… I am more of a man, an artist, a father, a friend, lover, and companion. Who ever this relationship prepared me for will be deserving of the kind of love I felt in this past relationship and I will be deserving of that love in return. I will continue my passion in art and photography, the woman that I am waiting to meet will openly be as passionate and supportive of all of my efforts, not to mention be my cheer leader motivating me when I am not in a mood to create.

So, I thank the woman I loved and the lessons she taught me. I can sleep again and see the sun rise on the horizon… the dawn is coming and it will be glorious and the day sunny, bright, and full of color.